I’m having a rough day. As one of my best friends would call it, an “I wish I weren’t sick” day.
Most of the time, I think I handle being chronically ill and all the baggage (sometimes literally) that comes with it fabulously. After all, what am I supposed to do? When illness is a huge part of your life, you find a way to live with it. I do things while in pain, because if I waited for the pain to subside, I might never leave my bed. I try my hardest to be cheery, even when I feel like crap. Those that love me can generally see right through my false cheer, and even more on a difficult mental day.
On the “I wish I weren’t sick” days, everything feels a million times harder. It all adds up- pain, nausea, fatigue- like an overdrawn back account you have to pay off sometime. On these days, it’s really hard to hold it all together.
It’s okay to not be strong all the time. It’s okay to spend a day doing nothing, or doing nothing but calming things. We spend so much time taking care of our bodies, I think sometimes we forget that we also have to take care of our minds. So if you’re having an “I wish I weren’t…” day, practice some self-care. Take a bath, watch a funny movie, put on fancy makeup just for the heck of it. Don’t think you have to focus on the silver linings and the collateral positives one hundred percent of the time- being positive all the time is impossible, especially when you don’t feel positive.
Today, I’m sad about my pain, I’m sad about the life I once had….and all of that is perfectly fine.